Going
by Mikael-Macbeth
Summary: XXX ONESHOT; Spoilers abound; Xigbar and Axel friendship-centered, featuring Demyx and Roxas XXX “It’s the only thing that’s kept me going this whole time.”


_Disclaimer: Do not own._

**AN: This is... different. XD And I'm not sure what made me want to write this. It's not romance, per se, but it's a strong friendship. For some reason, I feel like Xigbar and Axel could have been the best of friends, before Roxas showed up. (And yes, my bud _redwalgrl_ DID write a XigbarAxel story once, and I think that's from where my secret love of this pairing ((okay, sorta-pairing)) stemmed.)**

**So, without further ado, enjoy!**

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* * *

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**Going**

**by K. L. Vest**

"You're going to be in charge of Axel, here, Xigbar. Number Eight of the Organization… The Flurry of Dancing Flames."  
Xigbar just shrugs his shoulders with a small, inaudible chuckle.  
"Whatever you say, Superior," he says, walking forward and taking the shoulder of the thin, redheaded man in his gloved hand and leading him away from the meeting room. Axel, eh? Interesting name. "He's in good hands as of now."  
It's not that Xigbar ever intends to sound like he's sarcastic; it's just that, well, after so much time as serious, strait-laced Braig, Xigbar just needs a break from all the hustle and bustle of it all.  
"I leave it in your hands, Two," Xemnas emphasizes, and suddenly his form is enveloped in a cloud of black and purple, a shroud of non-existence.  
Axel stands close to Xigbar's left, and the older Nobody looks at him from the corner of his eye. He's warm to the touch, and yet he's still adjusting to the non-existent state he's been thrust into. He's the second one, aside from the first six, to have come to this place… this cursed place. And yet, Xigbar knows, there could be many more: wandering the planes, lost in realms far darker than anything ever imagined.  
Axel is lucky, though, to be in such… hospitable company as Xigbar's.  
"C'mon, kid," Xigbar says, tugging on the younger man's shoulder, pulling him into the depths of the castle. "I'm going to show you around." And, adding a little sarcasm: "Trust me, you're just going to love it."

* * *

"Someday, kid, you're going to get your heart back. Mark my words."  
Xigbar puts his hands behind his head with a smile, relishing in the darkened, hushed wind, hardly cautious in his trek across the rooftop.  
His charge, however, is less than optimistic about his statement and the footsteps taken across the roof, so he stays back on the main balcony and chooses to watch his superior linger on the precarious ledge.  
"You really think so?" Axel asks, looking over the ledge, his minimal eyebrows furrowing. Even though he's still new in this World That Never Was, he's slowly growing accustomed; however, he's still not used to the dark drops and pitfalls that he could easily plunge into. He's aware of them, but still cautious.  
"Think? I know so, kid!" Xigbar retorts, allowing himself to backpedal on toward the balcony, not even needing to thrust his arms outward to keep his balance. Axel, astonished with the ease and grace at which Xigbar seemingly floats across the beam, raises his eyebrows even further up. Of course, Xigbar takes notice of this and begins to step back at a faster rate. Hey, even if he does fall, it's not like he's going to splat down on the pavement far, far below. He can just teleport back up in a jiffy. No harm done, right?  
"Do you think that… even without our hearts, we could have emotio—"  
But Xigbar cuts in with "Don't even. If the Superior were to hear stuff like that, he'd string you up faster 'n anything. He's not one for that kinda insubordination."  
Axel cringes as Xigbar makes it back to the balcony, and for some reason, the elder of the two is troubled by his companion's uncertainty. So, with a pat on the back, Xigbar throws in, "But maybe… it's a possibility."  
And at this, Axel grins, his face lighting up three shades. If Xigbar had had a heart, he knows that it would have done it such good to see such a wonderful sight.  
"Thanks… for everything."  
"No prob," Xigbar answers, placing his hand to Axel's shoulder. "You're honestly not as big a pain as I thought you'd be, so you've made my job a whole Helluva lot easier."  
Axel easily picks up on the challenge, "Is that supposed to be some kinda compliment?"  
With a laugh, Xigbar answers, "You might know… if you can catch me!"  
And with that, the two begin running wildly across the balcony, going back inside Never Was for a little game of hide-and-seek.

* * *

"He's going to be one of the strongest in the Organization—undoubtedly."  
Xigbar handles the chain around his robe absently during the one-on-one conversation, Xemnas' voice seemingly droning amidst all the thoughts going through his head. He has a training session with Number Nine as soon as he gets out of there, and he has to admit, the kid has potential.  
However, Xemnas is much more focused on the member previous to the Melodious Nocturne—on Axel.  
"And…?" Xigbar probes. "That couldn't have been all you called me for."  
Xemnas leans back in his chair. Everything the man does is filled with such grandeur it's astonishing.  
"No, it's not. I'm worried about him becoming too strong. If he were to turn against us—"  
"Whoa, whoa, not meanin' to be rude by interruptin', but I don't see what has you all worried about Axel goin' berserk behind your back 'r anything," Xigbar says, immediately on the defensive for the fire-based Nobody. "I mean, he hasn't done anything."  
"No, but he's passionate about things," Xemnas replies, his tone overly condescending. "If he were to form attachments beyond his duties as a higher Nobody—that is, if he were to be disillusioned into deviating behavior, the consequences for us could be more than devastating."  
Xigbar feels himself getting a little angry with the Superior, and perhaps, even, a little with himself. He thinks back to that time when he had so absentmindedly reinforced Axel's "without heart" ideas and merely slaps himself for being so stupid. Somehow, it had slipped to Xemnas' ear without their knowledge. One way or another, Xemnas always learns of everything going on within his domain.  
But, honestly, it's none of Xemnas' business what Axel (and his own self, for that matter) thinks about, even if they are living in a technical dictatorship.  
If Nobodies could even have dictatorships.  
Yet Xigbar keeps it cool, thinking it smart to appease instead of displease.  
"I'll talk to him, don't worry."  
Xemnas smiles.  
It's an empty smile.  
"You'd best do that, Number Two. I trust that you'll get things straightened out."  
"Of course, of course," Xigbar throws over his shoulder as he gets up from his seat and plants a blackened Corridor in front of himself. "I'll fix things of in no time at all."  
Of course, he isn't going to.  
He's going to let things go on as they always do.

* * *

"Going to burn me alive, Eight?"  
The fire-Nobody flies by at sonic-boom-worthy speed, twisting back and throwing out his best flame-wall at Xigbar with a laugh.  
"Oh, I got a ways to go before I do that!" Axel yells over the crackle of the inferno, which Xigbar quickly escapes. He's not about to get caught in any of those flames, lest he really get burned alive. It seems their sparring matches are becoming more and more violent and dangerous with each encounter, a seemingly silent bloodlust welling up between the two of them.  
Of course, they don't really want blood.  
…Maybe.  
Xigbar manages to get to a nice vantage point on the ceiling, looking down on his once-neophyte with an oily smile.  
"So ya want to cut me up several different ways before you're satisfied with burnin' the remains?" Xigbar teases, and a fireball comes straight at his head, which he narrowly manages to avoid.  
"Damn right, Freeshooter—damn right."  
However, their temporary pause turns into a permanent one when a single soul enters the room.  
"Axel, I'm on assignment in Neverland. Would you come with?"  
And Axel's attention is immediately diverted.  
Xigbar can't help but feel completely ignored as Axel looks to the lone figure in the threshold of the doorway and says, "Of course, Roxas! What are best friends for?" and joins up with the younger Nobody, the biggest, goofiest grin on his face.  
"We'll finish later, right?" Xigbar calls down, trying to get a word in edge-wise as the other two begin some sort of a conversation, but Axel only waves his hand behind him, not even bothering to look back, with a half-hearted (though, perhaps, the term is better "no-hearted") "yeah."  
The elder Nobody looks on as the two head on out the door, going to a place where he is most assuredly not welcome.

* * *

"That kid's going to be the death of him. I just know it."  
Xigbar leans back on the railing, watching the moon's glow radiate the otherwise empty realm. Demyx is at his side, his head drawn back as well to examine the brilliant aura.  
Well… I think you're just thinkin' too much about it, y'know?" Demyx says softly.  
Xigbar, oddly enough, takes comfort in the water-musician's presence. Ever since Axel had become wrapped up in the Keybearing-Nobody, there simply had been no time left for them to be… well, whatever it was that was the equivalent of them being "friends" in the realm of the non-existent. And then there was Demyx, who had always seemed to Xigbar as just an apprentice, but the more the two exchanged words, the more he realized they had in common.  
So began something new.  
"Roxas, well," Demyx continues, "he didn't purposefully steal him away from you. Honestly, that's what I think."  
Xigbar feels a little guilty, suddenly, acting like some high schooler whose "best friend for life" was stolen away by some undeserving rival.  
To counter this guilt, he replies with "I didn't mean anything like that. I just meant that I don't think that things'll… end well if they try to be… friends."  
The moon never seems to stop being so eerie, so… inexplicably evil… and yet so promising—promising of a brighter, better future for them all. Like some sort of sarcastic paradox in the sky.  
"Well, we're friends, right?" Demyx asks, and at this, Xigbar chuckles.  
He thinks, 'Not about to make that mistake again,' but then states aloud, to Demyx, "Just do your missions and follow the rules and, before ya know it, we'll have our hearts back and we can be friends."  
Demyx seems hopeful at this remark, and continues peering up at the heart-shaped moon. It is so symbolic of everything they are working for, and yet… why does it seem so far away? Xigbar wonders about this often.  
…And, secretly, is haunted by the thought.  
"I'll be headin' inside for a while. If ya need me, I'll be in my room," Xigbar says, and Demyx allows a small smile and tiny salute in his direction.  
Xigbar thinks he feels himself going back inside, but he isn't sure much anymore.  
His body and mind, it seems, are going though the thickest of fogs.

* * *

"You're going?"  
There comes no sound from the redhead—merely a nod.  
Xigbar knows that it isn't just Axel's mission to retrieve Roxas. No, he knows there's something deeper to the other man's intentions, something that the elder Nobody simply cannot stop. Axel is more than Hell-bent on getting back Thirteen, willing to go the whole nine yards if need be just for that one, forgotten pseudo-soul.  
Xigbar toys with the thought of telling him to be careful, but thinks better of it. Of course he isn't going to be careful. Axel is reckless—hopelessly reckless—and ever since he lost his best friend, he seems to work at breakneck speed to either get Roxas back… or…  
"Come back in one piece, ya hear?" Xigbar says in place of his original thought, making sure his voice doesn't give anything away, but still the younger Nobody turns to him.  
In those eyes—those emerald eyes that had once been so frightened, then so cautious, and finally, at long last, forged in an unforgettable fire—there is nothing but a hollow emptiness that very nearly causes Xigbar to choke. Nearly. But Two merely lets those eyes take him in.  
And then, quietly, Axel mumbles, "What do you care?"  
The words… actually sting.  
For a split second, Xigbar wants to reach out, to pull him back, to tell him that he had been the one who had taken care of him from the very beginning—that he had been the one who had listened to him, talked to him, taught him how to fight. Xigbar had always looked out for Axel, and still does, even after they had gone their separate ways, causing Xigbar to become detached and, in a way, despondent in Axel's absence.  
…But, again, Xigbar thinks better of it.  
He's not about to break the ever-deepening dogma: "Nobodies don't have feelings."  
So instead, he just lets the smirk overtake him—lends himself over to the "fact" that he doesn't feel the tightening in his chest, doesn't feel his fingers clenching and unclenching and his mind wander hopelessly in some kind of mist.  
Instead, he says, perhaps a little weakly, "Then I guess I'll see ya 'round, then."  
Axel's going away, and Xigbar knows he can do nothing but let him go.

* * *

"For Axel's foolish actions, he's going to be marked a traitor."  
Xemnas' voice cuts like a knife, and Xigbar lets the word sink in.  
Traitor.  
From the very beginning, he had fueled Axel's desire for a heart, and now, he was reaping the consequences. After Axel had gone off to find Roxas, things just seemed to tumble into place, neatly and chaotically.  
And now… now there was nothing he could do about it.  
The congregation—now cut down to Xemnas, Saïx, Luxord, and, of course, Xigbar—remains silent for a time. Xaldin had been the first to go; the Keybearer had slaughtered him in a world where a beast that had once been a man rules. Then went Demyx in Radiant Garden, much to Xigbar's chagrin, dealt the lethal blow by—of course—the Keybearer.  
The only thing keeping Xigbar afloat in these troubled times is his own determination to retrieve his heart and his own stubborn, unfailing sense of humor.  
Saïx speaks now, his voice low, and yet it seems to resonate throughout the chamber, "I'll hunt him down myself if it would please you, Superior."  
Xemnas allows a coy smile to play over his lips.  
"No, no, I want to see how much further he's willing to go for this fake friendship of his—how long he'll be willing to try and cut the strings fate has wrapped about him," Xemnas gleefully and sadistically intones.  
Suddenly—horrifically—Xigbar realizes that it could have been him in Axel's place. If Axel had been the one to run away, he could have been the one chasing him down, risking his "life" for a "fake friendship.  
He could have been marked the traitor.  
But no.  
It had to be Axel.  
The weakest of them—and yet, Xigbar knows, the strongest and bravest of them.  
For a moment, Xigbar remembers Axel's eyes on him, and then, for some reason, he suddenly feels as if everyone's eyes are on him.  
However, he knows it's all just in his head, and that, eventually, it's all just going to be a memory.

* * *

Somewhere between coming and going between the worlds, Xigbar comes across the redheaded Nobody.  
Within the Corridors, they are little more than wavering shadows, but Xigbar knows the signature of Axel—knows what it's like to be in his presence.  
And his voice calls out, echoing, "Axel?"  
Silence, then, "Yeah. Going to turn me in?"  
No longer does Axel's voice contain a burning fire; no, it had long ago been snuffed out by the hand of fate. Now it is dispassionate—bitter.  
And Xigbar knows what he should do: he should inform Xemnas of Axel's passing, his location, his supposed direction through the Corridor.  
However, Xigbar finds himself unable to even comprehend doing such a thing.  
He finds himself suddenly remembering the thin, quiet man to whom he had offered his hand and welcomed so jovially.  
"…No, I'm not," Xigbar answers. His voice is a quiet thing, but it's enough to cause Axel's minimal eyebrows to raise. Xigbar always liked that expression: the one of complete disbelief. It makes him feel like he's still unpredictable and unexpected. "Even though it's what I should do, I ain't goin' to."  
Axel pauses, then, "You're serious?"  
"As a heart attack, kid."  
Axel can't help but laugh, then; away from the rest of existence and non-existence, Xigbar realizes the bond between them had never been broken, but merely battered. It's a wonderful feeling that overtakes him when he realizes this one, small truth.  
"I won't be able to go back, though, you know," Axel says, breaking into the moment. "And they'll hunt me down for my betrayal. I don't want you to get into trouble—"  
Xigbar's presence approaches Axel's, and he can actually feel the heat of his essence.  
"I won't get in trouble, kid. Xemnas'll never know."  
The two are silent a moment more. The darkness is an enveloping thing; if they hadn't maintained their conscience states, they would probably simply fade into the canvas of black.  
Then, "You remember when you told me… that you thought that we might feel, even without our hearts?"  
Xigbar was caught off-guard by the sudden outburst from the redhead's side, and for a moment, Xigbar thought to correct the statement. He had never outright said anything of the sort, but within this pocket of nothing, it wasn't like it mattered.  
"…Yeah, and?"  
"It's the only thing that's kept me going this whole time."  
It was a sentimental snapshot—the kind found only in the most basic and sincere of photos—but it passed quickly. Axel's form wavered and disappeared, and Xigbar didn't even bother to trace where he was going.

* * *

Constantly in motion, Xigbar knows he's just going to slowly move into oblivion.  
This thought is a chilling one, but it somehow comforts him.  
Upon hearing of Axel's demise, he shrugs it off like it means nothing to him. He pretends to believe that all the time he had spent with the redhead was merely wasted effort and that he should have gotten a more obedient apprentice.  
Deeper down, cold, bony fingers stretch over the strings that had once tugged his heart along its path.  
All of those at Castle Oblivion… Xaldin, Demyx, and now, Axel…  
They had all lacked something, and for a while, in the company of others, Xigbar was able to feign the he had that missing piece.  
Axel had been fundamental in his sanity.  
And now that he was gone, there was even more missing than before.  
The Keybearer is making his way through the castle now, working his way up the floors: fearless, determined. Xigbar admires those traits. He had seen them in Axel—seen them in his eyes, in his fire, the cadence of his last breath.  
Xigbar loads his gun, allowing all the faces to pass through his mind, each image more important than the last.  
For all of them—for Axel—he's not going down without a fight.


End file.
